The Art of Listening
I want to talk a bit today about mindful listening, and how important a skill it is for a doula to have.
When I first trained as a doula and began attending births, I brought the “bag of tricks” I’d heard so much about. I had massagers, oils, snacks, drinks, hairbrushes, lip balm, rice socks, rolling pins…everything but the kitchen sink! And while some of those things were helpful some of the time, the tool I found myself reaching for again and again was attentiveness. Mindful listening.
It’s more than just hearing what’s said. It’s really about hearing what isn’t said, the cues and prompts a laboring woman gives about what is helping her and what is not. It means being fully present in the moment, and not trying to reach too hard for the trick you learned that one time, or the thing that worked with the last birth.
I don’t mean to say that techniques are not important. They absolutely are, and continuing to learn and read and participate in dialogues about childbirth are vitally so. But there are moments when you are unsure, when a mom is struggling, or you don’t quite know what she needs yet.
Often when I first arrive, it takes us a little while to get into a state of flow, to find the right dance steps. During this time, the best place for me is in a position of watchful listening.
The relationship between a laboring woman and her doula is a dance in which the birthing woman takes the lead.
I simply remind her why she’s dancing.
